The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ladies don't puke and tell
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
