Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
