its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
