I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
