just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
