I have demons in me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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