Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Randomize
