she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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