don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
