I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
