Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
