I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
