the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm really busy with my period
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