70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
