Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
