he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
