things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
