I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
