I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
