Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
