She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
