Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
