I could make wine with my vomit
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
