goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
