Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
