our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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