Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
