My room smells like vodka and shame
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
there is glitter all over my balls
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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