everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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