All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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