Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
