Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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