i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Are we still banned from the library?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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