Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
