woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
