best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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