You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
