She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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