i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
