The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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