I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
