he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
