you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
