Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
