It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
