it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
