she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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