Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
