My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
