i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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