Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
