No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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