My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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