How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
