My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
