my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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